I was successful at almost everything in my life.
Except quitting drinking.
I know what it's like to have the career, the accomplishments, and a life that looks pretty damn good from the outside, while secretly feeling completely powerless over alcohol.
I was drinking two bottles of wine a night, making promises to myself that I couldn't keep, and wondering why I couldn't figure out how to stop.
Today, I'm a sober therapist and recovery coach helping women who are tired of trying to quit drinking on their own.
But before I became the person helping other women change their relationship with alcohol, I was the woman desperately trying to change my own.
On paper, I had every reason to be happy.
I had a successful career. I was educated, driven, independent, and pretty good at figuring things out.
But alcohol was the one thing I couldn't seem to get a handle on.
For years, I tried making rules around my drinking. I'd tell myself I was only going to drink on weekends, only have a couple of glasses, or take a break altogether.
But I could barely make it more than a few days before coming up with some reason why it was okay to drink again.
I'd had a stressful day. I'd been good all week. I deserved to relax. I'd start over on Monday.
And every time I broke another promise to myself, I felt a little worse.
The truth is, I was miserable.
I was empty. I was lonely. And I was getting to a point where I genuinely started wondering, "Is this it? Is this really what my life is going to look like?"
And the scariest part? I was almost ready to accept that maybe it was.
Not because I wanted to keep living that way, but because I felt so lost and had no idea how to change it.
I knew I needed help. But asking for it meant admitting that I didn't actually have everything together.
And then what would people think?
Would they look at me differently? Think less of me? Realize that the successful, capable woman they thought they knew was actually struggling?
So I kept drinking. Kept pretending. Kept trying to figure it out on my own.
Because for a long time, letting people think I had my shit together felt easier than admitting how badly I was falling apart.
I didn’t need another reason to quit drinking.
I needed to finally let go.
I knew my drinking was bad. I knew I was miserable. And I knew I couldn't keep living the way I was.
But knowing all of that wasn't enough to make me stop.
Not pancreatitis.
Not a DUI.
Not even the legal consequences of my drinking.
I kept trying to figure it out on my own, convincing myself that somehow, someway, I could get it together.
I was enrolled in an intensive outpatient treatment program (IOP), and I failed it three times. Yes, THREE.
Eventually, I was given an ultimatum. I could go to inpatient treatment, or I could be discharged from the program. And completing that program was something I needed to do because of my legal situation.
You'd think I'd have felt terrified, angry, or ashamed.
But you know what I actually felt?
Relief.
For the first time, I didn't have to be the one figuring everything out. I didn't have to make another decision, come up with another plan, or convince myself I could somehow fix this on my own.
It felt like someone had finally given me permission to let go.
To stop pretending I had everything under control.
To stop performing.
To admit that I needed help.
And looking back, I think that was one of the biggest shifts in my recovery.
Because I'd spent so much of my life being the woman who could handle everything, that I didn't know how to be the woman who needed someone else.
I didn't need to try harder. I needed to stop trying to do it all alone.
Today, I'm a trauma therapist with over nine years of experience, a recovery coach, and 3.5 years sober.
For years, I've helped people understand how their past experiences, emotions, and patterns shape the way they think, feel, and cope with life.
And through my own recovery, I've experienced firsthand just how difficult it can be to recognize those patterns in yourself, let go of the need to control everything, and finally accept help.
Now, I get to bring these two incredibly important parts of my life together to help women who are exactly where I used to be.
Women who are successful, driven, and capable of figuring out just about anything, but can't seem to figure out how to stop drinking.
That's why I created Reclaim Her.
Now I help women who are where I used to be
FROM ONE WOMAN WHO'S BEEN THERE TO ANOTHER
If you're tired of waking up disappointed in yourself, making promises you can't seem to keep, and wondering why quitting drinking feels so much harder than everything else you've accomplished, I'd love to talk.
You don't need to have everything figured out before asking for help.